“Hello,” said the friendly voice, mid-Wednesday night football highlights, “BT would like to upgrade you to free weekday calls as well as weekends. It’s completely free.”
I like free. Completely free is even better. Even if it is a bit tautologous.
“OK,” I said. “WhaddoIneedtodo?” Speed being of the essence here as football highlights are only brief and if BT wants to give me something for free I want it like…NOW! I don’t really want all the paraphernalia of jolly pleasantries and lubricational but empty chit chat.
“Nothing, Sir. I shall put you down for the one-year free upgrade Contract, now.”
“Greatthankyouverymuch’. Do I just hang up now, I thought?
“Before, I finalise The Contract, Sir, I just have to read you the terms and conditions. Is that all right?”
Terms and conditions? I’m trying to watch the footie here, remember. “OKgoforit.”
“OK, Sir…BT will let you make free….on weekdays after 6pm…alternatively you can…and all day Saturday and Sunday…”
“Isthatit?”
“Nearly there, Sir…and you have the right to cancel…if you do so…cancellation fee…at a cost of £7.50 a month…until the end of the 12-month period. OK, Sir, that’s it…and thank you very much–”
“Hangonitsoundedasthoughyousaid£7.50permonthifIcancel…?”
“That’s correct, Sir.”
Suddenly, the background conversation took the foreground — in place of the footie.
“Are you saying that if I cancel — at any time — I will have to pay £7.50 for the remainder of the year from the date of this contract? For the whole year?’
“Yes, Sir.”
Now I’m listening. Recognition of something akin to outrage is dawning at having wasted the best part of 10 minutes not really listening to this. Sudden outburst of consumer righteousness is forming.
“Look mate, I like what you’re offering me but why go and ruin it all with such a big sting in the tail? I really don’t like being…being threatened like this. It’s too big a hit, £7.50 a month cancellation fee, as far as I’m concerned, and I don’t want it now.”
“OK, Sir.”
Just like that. Maybe everyone else does this, too. Poor guy. “So will you please tell your bosses back at BT why I’m saying no to this?”
“Yes, Sir.”
Poor bloke. So meek. I wonder if he did? The thing is, I don’t really dislike BT at all . I use their £5 a month (I think that’s price) ‘phone at least 24 countries in the world for free’ service and love it. If you haven’t discovered it, I suggest you look for it and sign up now.
But I wonder if he ever did tell his bosses? Shame, really, as BT could be so good.
